Extra Large Turing Test with Fries
by Andrija Popovic
(C) 2017 Andrija Popovic
[Excerpt from artificial drive-through attendant Turing Test with Miss Rosa Mirella, 26, of Gaithersburg, MD. In this test series, subjects are randomly exposed to either a human attendant or an artificial one.]
INTERVIEWER: Miss Mirella, just to review, prior to the very end of your experience in the drive through of your local [REDACTED] franchise, you had no sense this was an artificial individual?
R. MIRELLA: Nope. Honestly, I was completely fooled in the beginning. I mean, he had to confirm the order because the speaker was shitty, he forgot to put in extra ketchup packets, all of it. He even looked sweaty. I didn’t think you could do that with fake people yet.
INTERVIEWER: But at the very end, as you were reviewing your food, you definitively flagged the attendant as artificial.
R. MIRELLA: Oh, yes. Because of the soda.
INTERVIEWER: The soda?
R. MIRELLA: Yeah.
INTERVIEWER: I don’t understand.
R. MIRELLA: OK, so, you know when you get a soda it has those little dots you push in? The ones that say if it’s Diet, Iced Tea, Root Beer or Other? Well, I ordered a diet Coke and a Dr. Pepper, you get me?
INTERVIEWER: I think so…
R. MIRELLA: So, when I got the drinks, the diet had the little Diet thing pushed in, right? And the Dr. Pepper had the Other thing pushed in.
INTERVIEWER: Yes, we saw that. And that’s correct.
R. MIRELLA: Have you ever been through one of your own drive-thrus? Or worked in one? No one ever just hits the Other button. Everyone pushes all of the buttons in on the lid.
[Extended pause as the Interviewer stares blankly at Miss Mirella.]
R. MIRELLA: What? I did it when I worked there. Only a robot does shit exactly like the manual.
[Interview was then terminated when Interviewer picked up notes, walked out of the interview room, and began to spew out a large number of obscenities in view of the observation team.
[Complied results and recommendations can be found in memo: “How Do We Get AI’s to Act Like Frustrated Employees?”]
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